Struggling to Connect?

Have you ever looked at a friend group on Instagram and wondered how they keep it all together? Or scrolled through old photos, realising you’ve lost touch with someone who once meant so much to you? As adults, building and maintaining friendships can feel like navigating uncharted territory. 

In a world that often celebrates having a “best friend” or a big social circle, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling short if our friendships don’t look like the ones we see on TV or social media. Making and maintaining connections as an adult is challenging, and many of us feel a bit lost or even isolated as a result. But connection doesn’t have to follow a standard formula or look a certain way to be meaningful. In this post, we’ll explore what connection can look like for adults, including how to recognise relationships that bring value to your life, ways to nurture those connections, and tips on building new friendships. 

Why Connection Can Feel Difficult as an Adult

Remember how easy friendships seemed when you were a kid? School, sports, and hanging out after class made connection feel effortless. But as we grow older, life pulls us in different directions—work, family, and responsibilities take up so much space that maintaining old friendships or building new ones often feels overwhelming. 

On top of that, there’s societal pressure to have a “best friend” or a large group of friends, which can make it easy to feel like you’re not measuring up. But connection doesn’t have to look any one way. It’s about finding relationships that feel right for you, whether that means a few close friends or a wider circle of acquaintances. 

Let’s start by looking at the friendships already in your life. 

1. Recognising Who Brings Value to Your Life

Have you ever felt drained after spending time with someone? Or caught yourself hanging out with people just because it’s what you’ve always done? It’s normal to reassess friendships as you grow and change. Some people will always feel like a safe space, while others might feel more like an obligation. Taking time to reflect can help you focus your energy on the relationships that truly matter. 

Questions to Ask Yourself: 

• Who do I feel most myself around? 

• Are there relationships I keep out of habit, not joy? 

• Do certain friendships leave me feeling supported, or do they drain me? 

Acknowledging these feelings doesn’t mean you need to “cut people off,” but being honest with yourself is a great first step in prioritising connections that uplift you. 

2. Nurturing the Relationships That Matter

The best relationships don’t just happen—they take care and attention. If you’ve found people who truly add value to your life, it’s worth putting in the effort to make those connections stronger. 

Here are a few ways to nurture those bonds: 

• Send That Text: A quick “thinking of you” can mean a lot and show someone they matter. 

• Stick to Your Plans: Life gets busy, but prioritising time together strengthens your bond. 

• Be Vulnerable: Letting someone in builds trust and deepens your connection. 

• Celebrate Each Other: Whether it’s a promotion, a new hobby, or just surviving a tough week, cheering each other on creates positive energy. 

Strong friendships don’t happen by accident—they grow when you invest in them. 

While nurturing your current friendships is key, there’s also space to welcome new connections into your life. 

3. Building New Friendships as an Adult

Let’s face it, making friends as an adult can feel awkward. It’s not like you can walk up to someone at a café and say, “Hey, want to be my friend?” Okay, maybe you can, but most of us aren’t quite that bold, and the good news is you don’t have to be to make new friends. 

Here are some tips to get started: 

• Pursue Shared Interests: Join classes, clubs, or groups that align with your interests. Shared activities make conversation easier and give you a natural starting point. 

• Be Open and Approachable: Sometimes, a simple “hello” or a friendly conversation can open the door to a new friendship. Be open to engaging with people around you. 

• Take the First Step: If you click with someone, don’t wait for them to make the next move. Send a friendly text or invite them out—it might feel vulnerable, but most people appreciate the effort. 

• Use Technology: Apps like Meetup or Bumble BFF can help you connect with people nearby who are looking for friendship too. 

• Be Patient and Persistent: Friendships take time to grow. Not every conversation will lead to a lasting connection, and that’s okay! Be open to the process. 

Making friends as an adult may take effort, but it’s effort that pays off in the long run. 

4. Dealing with Changing or Ending Friendships

Friendships, like any relationship, evolve over time. Some naturally drift apart as life pulls you in different directions, while others might end abruptly due to conflict or misunderstandings. It’s not always easy to deal with those changes, but approaching them with kindness—for yourself and the other person—can make a big difference. Compassion helps you find closure and peace, even when saying goodbye. 

Tips for Managing Friendship Changes: 

• Accept that not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some friendships are situational or temporary, and that’s okay. 

• Be open to letting relationships evolve. Some friendships may become less close but still add value. 

• If a friendship ends, try to focus on the positive moments you shared and what you learned from each other. 

5. Practicing Self-Compassion in Friendship

Friendships don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay if some relationships don’t work out or if you need a break to focus on yourself. Be kind to yourself—you’re learning as you go, just like everyone else. Healthy connections require effort from both people and sometimes friendships evolve in unexpected ways. 

Navigating Comparison and Letting Go of Expectations

Ever scroll through Instagram and think, “Wow, does everyone have a massive, picture-perfect friend group except me?” You’re not alone. It’s important to remember that social media only shows the highlights, not the whole story. Those perfectly curated snapshots don’t reveal the reality of those relationships, or the challenges people face behind the scenes. 

Your friendships don’t have to match society’s expectations to be meaningful. Focus on the connections you have and the ones you’re building, without the weight of comparison. At the end of the day, it’s the quality of your relationships, not the quantity, that truly matters. 

Conclusion: Embracing Connection in Your Own Way

Making and maintaining friendships as an adult is tough, but it’s also one of the most rewarding parts of life. Take time to reflect on who brings value to your life, nurture those relationships, and stay open to new ones. 

So, who do you want to reach out to today? Whether it’s reconnecting with an old friend or taking the first step toward meeting someone new, remember—every connection starts with a small, meaningful effort. 

Further Reading:  

A psychologist gives her tips on making friends as an adult and combating loneliness: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/apr/30/how-to-make-new-friends-adult-lonely-leap-of-faith

Learn more about loneliness and social isolation: https://www.aihw.gov.au/mental-health/topic-areas/social-isolation-and-loneliness  

Read a personal story: ‘I’m in my mid-forties and I’ve never had a best friend. I feel like the only one.’: https://www.mamamia.com.au/do-you-need-a-best-friend/