Let’s Talk About Boundaries:

We’ve talked about creating healthy habits to promote balance and joy during the holiday season—whether it’s staying active, prioritising rest, or taking moments for mindfulness. But here’s the thing: even with the best intentions, sticking to those habits can feel like a juggling act without clear boundaries to guide you. 

If the holidays leave you feeling stretched thin or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Between endless to-do lists, family expectations, and social pressures, it’s easy to feel like there’s no time for yourself. Here’s where boundaries come in—they can help ease the load and bring back the joy you’re looking for. 

In this blog, we’ll explore why boundaries are essential during the holidays, how to set them with kindness and clarity, and ways they can help you feel more in control and at peace during this busy time of year. 

Why Boundaries Are Essential During the Holidays

The holidays often come with unique stressors: 

• Unrealistic Expectations: From hosting picture-perfect gatherings to buying the “perfect” gifts, the pressure can be intense. 

• Family Dynamics: Reuniting with family can bring up old conflicts, unresolved tensions, or feelings of obligation. 

• Overcommitting: Saying yes to every event, task, or request can leave you drained and stretched too thin. 

Boundaries help you manage these stressors by creating space for your needs, protecting your energy, and allowing you to participate in the season in a way that feels good for you. 

“What would it feel like to say no to an event you’re dreading and spend that time doing something you love instead?” 

Signs You Might Need to Set Boundaries

Do any of these resonate with you? If so, it might be time to set some boundaries: 

• You feel overwhelmed by obligations or commitments. 

• You’re saying yes to things you don’t really want to do. 

• You feel anxious or resentful about certain events or interactions. 

• You don’t have enough time for rest or self-care. 

If any of these sound familiar, don’t worry—it’s not about overhauling your whole holiday season. Instead, think about small but meaningful changes you can make to protect your well-being. Let’s explore how. 

How to Set Boundaries During the Holidays

Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be confrontational or dramatic. Here’s some tips on how to do it with clarity and compassion: 

1. Reflect on Your Priorities

Ask yourself: What matters most to me this holiday season? 

Maybe it’s spending quality time with loved ones, having quiet moments to recharge, or avoiding stressful situations. Knowing your priorities makes it easier to decide where to focus your time and energy. 

2. Communicate Clearly and Kindly

When setting boundaries, it’s important to be honest without being harsh. Use “I” statements to express your needs, like: 

• “I’d love to join for dinner, but I’ll need to leave by 8 p.m.” 

• “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I’m going to sit this event out.” 

Clear communication helps avoid misunderstandings and shows that your decision isn’t personal, it’s about what you need to feel your best. 

3. Practice Saying “No”

It’s okay to decline invitations or requests that don’t align with your priorities. Saying no can be difficult, especially if you’re used to pleasing others, but remember: every time you say no to something that drains you, you’re saying yes to your well-being. Think of it this way: every time you say no to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re making room for the things that do. It might sound daunting, but practice makes perfect. Start small, and remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. 

4. Limit Time in Draining Situations

If certain events or interactions feel obligatory but leave you emotionally drained, consider limiting your time. For example: 

• Drop by a party for an hour instead of staying all evening. 

• Schedule visits with challenging family members in neutral settings, like a café, or avoid hosting challenging family members so you have a quick getaway if need be. 

5. Set Financial Boundaries

We all feel the financial pinch during the holidays. Be upfront about what you can afford, and explore thoughtful alternatives like homemade gifts or experiences instead of material presents. Remember, your presence often means more than presents. 

Managing Guilt Around Boundaries

Setting boundaries can sometimes feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re worried about disappointing others. Here’s some tips on how to manage those feelings: 

• Remind Yourself Why It’s Necessary: Boundaries protect your energy, allowing you to show up more fully in the moments that matter most. 

• Know That Discomfort Is Temporary: The initial awkwardness of saying no often fades, but the benefits of maintaining your boundaries last. 
• Practice Self-Compassion: It’s okay to prioritise your well-being. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. 

Examples of Boundaries You Can Set

Often, we hear the word ‘boundaries’, and we’re left saying, what does that even mean? Here are some common holiday boundary scenarios and examples to get you thinking: 

• Social Commitments Boundary as an ‘I Statement’: 

“I can only make it to one gathering this weekend, but I’d love to catch up another time.” 

• Family Conversations Boundary as an ‘I Statement’: 

“I’d prefer not to discuss politics during dinner—it makes me uncomfortable.” 

• Financial Limits Boundary as an ‘I Statement’: 

“I’m keeping gifts simple this year. I want to focus on spending time together instead.” 

• Rest and Downtime Boundary as an ‘I Statement’: 

“I need some quiet time in the mornings, so I’ll join after breakfast.” 

• Social Media Use Boundary as an ‘I Statement’: 

“I’m taking a break from social media this season to stay present with my loved ones.”

How Boundaries Can Enhance the Holiday Season

Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about creating space for the things that truly matter. For example, imagine attending a family gathering for just an hour instead of the entire day. By limiting your time, you can enjoy the connection without feeling drained, leaving you with more energy for other priorities. 

When you establish and respect your limits, you’re better able to: 

• Be present and actively engaged during the moments you do choose to participate in. 

• Reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, or resentment, allowing you to enjoy all the good things the holidays have to offer. 

• Prioritise joy, connection, and rest in a way that feels authentic to you. 

Boundaries allow you to enjoy the holidays on your terms, without feeling stretched too thin or overwhelmed. 

Conclusion: A Season That Works for You

The holiday season is a time for connection, celebration, and reflection, but it doesn’t have to come at the cost of your well-being. By setting thoughtful boundaries, you can navigate the season with less stress and more joy. 

Remember, saying no isn’t about letting others down—it’s about showing up as your best self. So, this holiday season, give yourself the gift of balance and create space for the moments that truly matter. 

What boundaries will you set this season to make the holidays work for you? 

Further reading:  

How to Use ‘I’ Statements Instead of ‘You’ Statements: https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/i-statements-vs-you-statements/  

More info on boundaries: https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#the-lowdown  

More tips on How to Cope with a Difficult Relative Over the Holidays: https://www.christinecarter.com/2017/11/how-to-cope-with-a-difficult-relative-over-the-holidays/