Can’t Stand Hearing How Much Others Love Their Jobs?

You know that feeling when someone gushes about how much they love their job, and it just rubs you the wrong way? It’s more common than you might think. We live in a world that constantly tells us we should be passionate about our careers, so when you hear someone else raving about their job, it can really sting—especially if you’re not feeling that same spark. This can bring up feelings of frustration, inadequacy, or even resentment. But let’s talk about why these feelings come up and why it’s perfectly okay to feel this way—because you’re not alone. 

Culture often tells us that fulfilment should come from our careers. We’re bombarded with messages that we should love what we do, find our passion, and turn it into a career. But what if you don’t feel that way? What if your job is just a job, and it doesn’t light a fire inside you? It’s easy to start questioning your own career path when someone else seems to have it all figured out. Maybe you’re in a job that pays the bills but doesn’t bring you joy. Or perhaps you’ve been struggling to find something that fulfils you while others seem to have found their dream job effortlessly. This kind of comparison can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction or even self-doubt. But here’s the thing: everyone’s journey is different, and loving your job isn’t the only measure of success or happiness. 

Why Does It Bother Us? 

Societal Pressure to Find Fulfillment in Work 

Society places a high value on finding fulfilment in our work, which can make it hard when we don’t feel the same way. We’re told that our jobs should be our passion, and when they’re not, it can make us feel like we’re missing out or doing something wrong.  

However, you don’t have to find personal fulfilment in your career. It is common and ok to simply work a job or have a career that simply pays the bills and focus on finding fulfilment and happiness from other areas in your life, like your relationships or hobbies. It’s even argued that making your work the source of personal fulfilment and happiness can be detrimental to long-term satisfaction and your mental health.  

That being said, we spend a large portion of our lives at work, so it is important that your job meets your personal needs, but that does not mean it has to be “fulfilling” in the way we often expect.   

Comparison Culture 

It doesn’t help that we live in a world where we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others. Whether it’s through social media or casual conversations, it’s easy to feel like everyone else is thriving while you’re just getting by. The pressure to keep up with others can be overwhelming, amplifying any feelings of inadequacy you might already have. 

Internal Expectations 

We also set our own expectations, which can add to these feelings of dissatisfaction. If you’ve always dreamed of a meaningful career but find yourself stuck in a job that doesn’t fulfil you, hearing others talk about how much they love their work can hit hard. It’s not just about what society expects—it’s also about the pressure we put on ourselves. 

Now that we’ve talked about why hearing others talk about loving their job can be tough, let’s dive into the emotional impact it can have on us. These feelings don’t just float by—they can really hit hard and affect our mental and emotional well-being. So, let’s break down how these emotions show up and what we can do about them. 

The Emotional Impact 

Feelings of Inadequacy 

When someone else talks about loving their job, it can make us feel like we’re not good enough. This often stems from a place of self-doubt or fear of failure. We might start to think that there’s something wrong with us if we’re not experiencing the same joy or satisfaction in our work. This feeling can quickly spiral into frustration and resentment. 

Resentment and Frustration 

When you’re not happy in your own job, hearing others express their satisfaction can sting. It can feel like a constant reminder of what you’re missing, and that can be incredibly frustrating. This often ties back to envy—an emotion that highlights what we feel we lack in our own lives. 

Envy, though uncomfortable, can be revealing. It’s our mind’s way of showing us what we desire. But there’s a crucial difference in how we handle it. “Resenting envy” makes us bitter and stressed, believing that others shouldn’t have what we don’t. On the flip side, “applauding envy” lets us acknowledge our feelings while still being happy for others. It’s about understanding that someone else’s success doesn’t take away from our own potential. 

Impact on Mental Health 

These emotions—envy, frustration, and inadequacy—can take a serious toll on your mental health. When left unchecked, these feelings might spiral into chronic stress, heightened anxiety, or even depression. The constant comparison to others and the pressure to measure up can create an overwhelming sense of despair and hopelessness. Recognizing these emotions is crucial because it’s the first step toward addressing them. By acknowledging what you’re feeling, you can begin to find effective ways to manage these emotions and safeguard your mental well-being. 

Taking time to reflect on these emotions can help you understand their root cause and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Whether it’s through talking to a trusted friend, practising mindfulness, or seeking professional help, addressing these feelings early can prevent them from escalating and impacting your overall quality of life. 

Now that we understand where these feelings come from and how they can impact our mental well-being, the next step is figuring out how to deal with them. How do we break free from the cycle of comparison and envy? Let’s explore some strategies to help us overcome these challenges and focus on our own journey. 

Finding Fulfillment Outside of Work 

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that our careers should define us, but that mindset can be limiting and draining. True fulfilment often comes from a variety of sources. When we invest in our hobbies, nurture our relationships, and focus on personal growth, we create a more balanced and satisfying life. Expanding our view of success to include these areas allows us to find joy and purpose beyond just our jobs, making us more resilient to the inevitable ups and downs of work life. 

 If you want to find out more information on building resilience, check out the resilience doughnut in the “further reading” section of this post.  

Shifting Perspectives 

Success doesn’t have to be synonymous with career achievements. It’s about living a life that aligns with your values and what truly matters to you, regardless of your job title. By shifting your perspective on success, you allow yourself to find meaning in the things that genuinely fulfil you rather than just what society tells you should matter. 

Personal Goals and Values 

 Take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you. What are your personal goals and values? By aligning your life with these core principles, you can find fulfilment in areas that extend beyond your job. This alignment not only helps you feel more content but also ensures that your life reflects what you genuinely care about. 

You can find out more and access resources about Core Values in our last blog [here] 

Practical Strategies to Cope 

Practice Self-Compassion 

When you feel like you’re not measuring up, it’s so easy to be your own worst critic. We’ve all been there—getting caught in that negative self-talk loop, thinking we should be doing better or that we’re just not enough. But here’s the thing: self-compassion is not just important, it’s essential. Give yourself the grace to recognize that everyone’s path is different, and that’s okay. Your journey is uniquely yours, with its own twists and turns, and there’s no one “right” way to navigate it. So, next time you catch yourself being harsh, pause and remind yourself that you’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. 

Focus on Your Own Journey 

It’s easy to get distracted by what others are doing, especially in a world where everyone’s achievements are on full display. But instead of getting caught up in comparisons, turn your focus inward. What are your goals? What steps can you take to reach them?  

Reflecting on your own aspirations allows you to chart a path that’s meaningful to you. By concentrating on your journey, you can move forward with confidence, free from the weight of constantly measuring yourself against others. This approach not only helps you stay true to your values but also enables you to find satisfaction in your unique progress. Remember, your journey is yours alone, and the more you focus on it, the more fulfilling it will become. 

One effective way to maintain inward focus and avoid comparison is through journaling. This practice can serve as a powerful tool for both tracking personal goals and identifying recurring thought patterns. By writing regularly, you can catch negative thoughts that might otherwise go unnoticed and gain insights into your progress. Journaling not only helps document your journey but also provides clarity on your mental state, enabling you to tackle challenges more effectively and stay motivated on your path toward personal growth. 

Consider Career Changes 

If, after reflecting on your core values and finding fulfilment in other areas of your life, you’re still unhappy in your job, it might be time to explore new career possibilities.  

Whether that involves pursuing further education, seeking additional training, or even considering a complete career shift, embracing change can lead you to a role that better aligns with your passions. This journey of exploration can open doors to a more meaningful and rewarding career, bringing you closer to a life that truly reflects who you are. 

Seeking Support 

It’s important to remember that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Whether it’s talking things through with trusted friends and family or seeking guidance from a mental health professional, there are people ready to support you. Sometimes, simply voicing your feelings can bring a sense of relief and clarity. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support system when you need it—they’re there to help you navigate through difficult emotions and guide you toward a place of peace and understanding. 

Conclusion 

As we wrap up, it’s clear that feeling frustrated or even resentful when someone talks about loving their job is a perfectly normal reaction. But the key takeaway is understanding why these feelings arise and how to address them. By focusing on your own journey, redefining what success means to you, and seeking fulfilment in various aspects of your life, you can carve out a path that’s truly yours. Remember, it’s okay to feel this way, and it’s okay to ask for support when you need it. Your path to fulfilment is uniquely yours, and it’s one worth pursuing with compassion and confidence. 

Further Reading:    

The Resilience Doughnut is a great resource to reflect on what areas of your life boosts your resilience: https://www.theresiliencedoughnut.com.au/how-does-the-resilience-doughnut-work/  

Brené Brown’s Values Resource: https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/  

Further Reading on the dangers of placing your self-worth in your career: “The Common Pitfall of Conflating Self-Worth with Career Success: Fulfillment Failure”, Margarita Bertsos, https://www.wellandgood.com/job/-fulfillment-fallacy-burnout/  

Want an altruistic view on choosing a career? Head to 80,000 Hours.com. They have a career guide that offers insights into choosing a career and what career fulfilment means according to research. They also offer 1-1 personal career counselling: https://80000hours.org/career-guide/